IGBOZURUOKE FORUM

You Shall Know the Truth and the Truth Shall Make You Free: John, 8:32

The issue of wives brutalizing their maids or maltreating those under their care is a long-time menace and will not stop because of the uproar a recent case has generated. However, we must appreciate the efforts of those institutions that intervened and forced the evil woman to surrender to the police.

In the last five years, more than one hundred reported cases of such wives’ brutality have been treated. Unfortunately, once the initial the uproars subsides and interventions from relatives or associates of the perpetrator pours in, the matter is forgotten and the wife devices more deceptive ways to continue her wickedness.

Let us not be deceived, eighty percent of women, married or not, indulge in this abuse that appears to be a genetic feature of a woman. Undoubtedly, this malady that is found in women of all race, status or belief, seems to have been more prevalent in Igbo women, especially, those from or living in Anambra State. This tells something that I would come back to later.

 For those who are sixty years and above, they can still remember what use to be known as the Oga-Madam syndrome that started when Nigerian technocrats began to take over positions from the departing colonial masters. From  1940s to 1990s, wives of most Nigerian technocrats and those of rich Nigerian businessmen, especially, the Igbo, were referred to as Oga-Madam, not because of any positive attributes that these women possess  but due to their overbearing attitudes and the maltreatment of the hapless who found themselves under their care.  

Because most of these wives were loafers, who had scores of maids and house boys at their beck and call the act of wickedness and maltreatment of those under them appears to be a pastime. Oga-Madams, desire and perpetrate these acts because the psyche of their husbands then and even now, is hinged in the concept that running a home belongs to the wife and a man should not interfere. Again, men, due to the stress of their occupations, indulgence or the belief, looked on while their wives perpetrated all forms of evil acts on children of other people brought to them to cater for. In those years, you could see a madam for no reason or for a minor malfeasance visit a severe punishment on a maid and followed it up by ensuring the victim is denied any form of feeding during the time. These wives adopt all forms of gimmicks and give excuses that they are mentoring the wards under them to perpetrate their evil acts. Ironically, these women who take pride in maltreating those under them—some younger than their own children—in contrast indulge their own children in all manner of doting and reverence.  

As can be seen, since the lousy husbands of most of these wives were Igbo businessmen and the latter are more in Anambra, can we see the correlation? In Nigeria, the act of wickedness is more prevalent in Igbo wives, especially, those of Anambra origin or those residing there. This goes a long way to show that Igbo men, indulge their wives more than men from Nigeria’s other tree major tribes. 

In all however, we must blame the husbands as the main culprits. The inclination towards what we perceive as modern life and the influence of the Christian religion are equally to be blamed. Today, the twin cases of men sexuality and obeying whatever the Christian churches dish out as the ideal way of running a Christian home serve as gun powder to this menace. In this religious creed, the husband is emasculated and discouraged to be a real man of the house while the wife is elevated as an unchallenged master of the home.

Thus, “I Pity Men” as the title of this piece, indicates that a man’s delinquency in failure to continually ensure those under him and his wife are not maltreated remains the main factor that encourages the wife to become an ogre that visits evil on the hapless under her care.  Men are increasingly becoming powerless and irresponsible when it comes to matters that affect how their wives treat the welfare of their wards.

 In an Igbo communal setting, a wife is closely monitored to ensure she observes the ethics that dictates how she relates and treats others by her husband and his relatives. Once she is found wanting, actions are quickly taken as a deterrent. This is possible when the culture and tradition of the community are followed. However, in the urban setting, the efforts to act in the same way become problematic. The wife becomes the master of the house and does whatever she likes with the help of unscrupulous peers, compromised relatives of the husband, fraudulent men of God and the meddlesomeness of the Christian religion. However, it follows that a husband should be a man in the house if this menace must be stopped or curbed.

 If whoever is the husband of Barrister Mrs. Akachukwu Chikere Okafor, had been a responsible husband, a true man who does not sneeze under his wife’s influence, this ugly incident could have been averted.

Husbands must be real men in their homes no matter the odds, eventhogh, I pity them, because in women, they do not know what they are up against.

Boniface Alanwoko